>be me

>tada.wav

>desk covered in empty energy drink cans

>head is pounding, covered in sweat

>again

>why do i keep buying liquid demon seed

>fight through the pain, open my eyes

>right

>i was working on a capstone for a 3d modeling class

>check time

>22:41

>file is due @ 23:59

>fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu.png

>fuck it i'll do it in terminal

>faster that way anyway

>project is to model your childhood home

>so out of it that i go into a fuge state

>can feel the code in my veins

>fingers flying faster than i think

>neo_you_are_the_one.mp4

>get so autistically into the project that i model everything in the home

>lierally everything in the home

>pipes, door handles, insulation, the different grain and knots on every single two by four, beds, the kettle, socks on the floor, salt crystals, dad's old bookshelf, dusty pictures on the mantle and the nearby urns, forks, tape over wires in the basement, scuff marks on the wall, lightswitches, curtains, dream catchers

>polygons, mats, shaders, lighting

>everything

>even my mother

>she's in the middle of folding laundry

>my sister's out of the house, weird that i chose that

>i know what my mom is doing up this late

>waitin on a call from me

>she knows i'm awake, somehow knows i'm losing it

>i always call her at the end of a semester

>her 3d model self, looking just like the real thing, is waiting for the phone to ring

>it never will

>it never will.

>awaken

>realize what i'm doing

>freak the fuck out

>i can't wake up

>panic some more

>control a

>delete

>the entire project dissapears

>my laptop explodes

>keyboard plastic, glass and boiling liquid demon seed everywhere

>it's past 23:59

>i failed the class

>this was my last chance

>it's official, i've flunked out

>call my mother

>"this # is unconnected."

>i know she's waiting

>she has to be

>call again

>nothing

>wait

>call my sister

>"anon? yeah, the house is just. gone."

>mfw i realize i just wiped my childhood home from the database of the universe

>mfw i realize i just deleted my mother

>

>

>

>clean up

>grab back up laptop

>control + shift + t

>i can fix this

> i can remake her

>try

>fail

>'anon. why would you do this to me'

>'anon, it hurts.'

>'the firmament cuts me when I try to think.'

>can't bring myself to delete the approximation that i made

>i just wish she would stop screaming

>days or weeks later, i'm evicted

>no one can see her

>homeless, debt ridden, and a matricide

>use cafe free wifi to write this

>try to figure out what to do next

>...

>text my sister, i guess

>at least i'm starting to get used to her screaming