>be me
>first time driver
>driving in downtown cleveland during rush hour in a stolen car filled with 3 awakened mages, 1 living and 1 dead family member, and also a talking opossum
>it goes about as well as you could expect
>drop off azalea cause the 'Hydrocarbons are making her sick'
>i know her ass is just gonna check out the closest park
>fittingly enough they're called the metroparks
>cause they're parks
>in the metro
>I Love Ohio
>caine hits me hard, points for me to turn left into a dead end alleway
>i'm a country girl, and this alleyway is giving me serious bruce wayne's parents died here vibes
>"do we have to"
>they nod
>the opussum nods
>my dead mother nods
>fuck it
>runningInTheTwenties.wav
>the walls of the alleyway open up, devouring our car whole
>we're in a shifting metascape that looks like a fucking nightmare realm surrounded by...
>holy shit who are all those people
>they're so many different shades of insanely dressed
>one guy has a jetpack, standing next to a guy who just Is A Robot
>one older lady is knitting, staring up at us over thick half moon glasses
>one such asshole, a well dressed early 20's looking mfer w/ pasty white, drooping corpse-like skin knocks on the window
>roll it down
>slowly
>half expect them to say license and registration
>instead they speak IN MY MIND
>asking my name
>i panic, giving the real thing
>[Nice to meet you anon. I'm (string of words i cannot even remember), but you can call me Cassius Payne. Who's your friend?]
>"uh, caine. they don't speak much. who... what the fuck is happening?"
>caine looks at me like i'm insane
>he can't hear the corpse-guy in my head
[What tradition do you call your own, anon?]
>"tradition. sure, let's pretend i know what that means. what's yours?"
>[Order of Hermes. Hey, let's talk later, okay? A giant spider's about to eat your car.]
>i check the rearview
>they are not lying.
>eightlegged massive-fuck the 3rd has decided the 2002 honda civic is an attractive mate
>panic
>hit the gas
>somehow i (genius) have managed to put the car in reverse
>ram direcrtly into massive spider
>now all the mages in the nightmare fuck-scape are Actually Worried
>what can i say, i make a good first impression
>long story short, we apprehend the spider
>my car ends up a smoking pile of slag
>don't worry, i wrapped it around the spider's legs with Magic 3D modelling software
>i asked the cyborg guy very nicely to shoot the gas tank, which for some reason i couldn't explode on my own
>he obliged, and we escaped through a rick and morty ass portal
>hop out of an olympic sized swimming pool
>caine beside me, very alarmed
>nobody died
>except maybe the spider ?
>apparently they just killed its sprit
>ok
>i make introductions like a good little socalite
>my accent gets a lot of weird looks, but everyone is surpisingly nice
>apparently we're in a hotel downtown
>in a location called a Chantry, which is like where a large collection of mages hang their hats
>meet with various individuals who are also new
>"Hi, my name is Ronin, I am also a Virtual Adept."
>oh, so that's what i am
>"Hi, I'm Iris Bell, it sounds like your sister is also a Verbana."
>oh, so that's what azalea is
>"Hi, I'm Scarlet Herring, and I'm a VA addicted to energy drinks and conspiracy theories. Would you like to hear my many opinons on Satan?"
>oh, that's how annoying we can get
>wait, what is Caine, then?
>apparently something called a Chorister
>like, a singer?
>but they play the drums
>closest they ever came to singing was backup vox in the odd show or two
>unless...
>[Hi, I'm Cassius Payne, scholar of the Order of Hermes with 12 other titles that you can't remember while you're writing this]
>YOU
>spend the next five hours grilling this random magic ass they/them on their history, the history of the chantry, and the traditions
>it's
>so fucking much
>apparently this fella (non-gendered) is the Legate of our triumvirate (one of three positions you can hold in a chantry)
>heyManIheardYouHatePoliticsSoIputPoliticsInYourMagic.jpeg
>basically they're a magic war lawyer
>caine and i sit down poolside and take a crash course in magelaw
>mlaw, if you will
>mfw i have already broken like three of the laws
>[It's fine, Anon, you didn't know.]
>"so intent matters?"
>[Yes.]
>"so like, if i used magic to erase my knowledge of the laws and then commit a crime, like in death note, is that illegal?"
>[...Yes.]
>they're not happy about that one
>iris, the verbana tells me not to feel too bad about murdering my mother
>"It's like vehicular manslaughter. You didn't know what you were doing."
>caine goes extremely quiet for some reason
>"okay iris but like, vehicular manslaughter is still illegal"
>now ronin edges in
>"It's more like if you took your dog on a walk, and at the end of the walk, he exploded. Like, how were you supposed to know that shit like that happens?"
>"ah, gotcha, so-"
>"When you get in a car, you understand there's a chance of killing people. When you walk your dog, you don't even conceptualize the possiility of them exploding."
>caine is completly quiet now, sheet white, won't even angrily fingerspell at me anyway
>uhh. ok
>we talk. more
>some faction called the (not kidding) Technocratic Union comes up
>they're the bad guys, and the reason we have like dishwashers and cars. that shit shouldn't work, but it does because they opress the 'sleepers' (unawakened humans) brains to disbelieve in things like dragons and wwiizzaarrddzz
>apparently they're deemed enemies of ascension
>E.O.A.'s are public enemies number one, and the only people we can Legally Kill with magic
>"interesting. so, how easy is it to become an enemy of ascension? cause to me, it just sounds like a real nice and easy box for you to put anybody you disagree with in."
>[You have to break the laws, or betray your chantry. It's very hard to do on accident.]
>oh, i'm sure
>grill them some more on the laws, figure out they aren't speaking because they've had their tongue cut out by a member of the technocracy
>some bitch name vitsina apparently tried to kill them, and cass has promised to speak not a word until she lays dead at their feet
>okay
>cool
>over the course of the convo, i accidentaly express some technocratic ideals
>apparently the virtual adepts (my Tradition, for those playing at home) seceded from the union or whatever, and some still think we play both sides
>they definitely have some ideas i might agree with though
>for one, they want to wake every sleeper, which... shouldn't we?
>[No. They want to wake the sleepers like things on a factory line, leaving them no choice.]
>"yeah, but like, isn't that safer? i mean, shouldn't we be trying to empower every single person we can?"
>[Yes, but-]
>"and idk about you, but my awakening was the worst day of my life. why would i wish that on anyone else?"
>[Personal freedom is more important.]
>hmmmmmm.
>i have to think more on this
>in the middle of our debate, a giant green sword almost kills cassius
>they dodge, sigh
>"does that happen often? i thought the chantry was safe, warded."
>[It was Vitsina. And it's safe...]
>random guy pipes in for a second
>'except for the nazi werewolves that got in a while ago, killing our last legate"
>"sorry, werewolves?"
>yup, they're real, all the other spooky fucks too
>okay, good to know
>caine is sitting next to me the whole time, using my laptop to ask cass q's
>they're as befuddled as me
>finally cassius calls in this moneyblooded suit-clad 1%er named Faulkner, and he tells me about the chantry benefits
>"we get SLAVES?"
>"No, Anon, the assistants are paid handsomly."
>he offers to write me a check with a golden pen
>fuckThatNoise.gif
>"Ah, another hater of capitalism? You should meet Pippa."
>noted
>apparently this faulkner guy is another third of the triumverate, and with two present they can vote people into the chantry
>he forces cassius to pay for his vote (with some magic currecy called tass?)
>jfc
>the vote passes
>caine and i are in
>i talk to them on the side, using my laptop
>learn that his sister died in a car crash
>ohhhhhhhhhhh.png
>i apologize for all the vehicular manslaughter talk earlier
>they shut down again
>aparently their sister's name was abby
>cain and abigail
>areYouFuckingJoking.gif
>we talk some more, and Vitsina comes up again
>this faulkner guy really respects her (oooo conflict between our chantry's leaders) and wants her to serve as a technocratic liason for the traditions
>cassius really does not like this idea
>noted
>tell caine i'm tired (not a lie) and say kthanxbai
>still feel like shit for making them feel like shit
>retire to my room (no longer homeless!) and open up my laptop
>free wifi, infinite battery
>guess there's perks to having your car explode in the umbra
>lie down, try to sleep
>i can feel my mother staring at me the entire time
>fine
>"let's talk about it, then"
>"Finally, Deadname."